K11 Owners Group

[Tim (Midland Section)]

I finally received my tax return for 2011/2012 back from the Tax Office. It really puzzles me!!!

They are questioning how many dependants I claimed.

I guess it was because of my response to the question:

"List all dependants."

To which I replied:

1 million boat people and other illegal immigrants;

1 million drug addicts;

4 million people on Welfare,

30 Thousand prisoners in prisons; and

150 useless politicians in the House of Commons

76 oxygen thieves in the House of Lords, including

1 useless Prime Minister."

Evidently, this was NOT an acceptable answer.

I am fxxxed if I know. I KEEP ASKING MYSELF, WHO DID I MISS? Can anyone help me?
_________________
Regards Tim,

Grey haired riders don't get that way by pure luck
1996 Guzzi Cali3 LAPD
1972 750 Commando
G6HRN
#485

[SugarHillCTD]

Did they expect you to claim the (USA) colonies also???

Maybe you could help us out by claiming our national debt as a deduction. You get the deduction and we lose the debt. A win-win situ if you ask me.
_________________
John & Cathy

'92 K100RS4V Pearl White SOLD
'04 K1200GT
IBA Several-SS1k, BBG, 50CC NYC to S.F.

[Scott_Anderson]

[Nickh]

I think I ought to charge a fee for this . . .

Tim . . it's blindingly obvious why the Inland Revenue were unhappy with your Tax Return . . the figures are really too creative for words . .

Some advice . . .

If you had said 1 million, 300 thousand and two boat people . . then the Revenue would have had to accept that . . as you could equally have said that the figures were "seasonally adjusted" . . 1 million is way too fishy.

The same could be said for the drug addicts and people on Welfare.

The worst one of your indiscretions is the number of inmates languishing at "Her Majestys' pleasure" (weird isn't she ? . . but what do you expect from a 3rd generation German ?)

You know full well that the actual figure of prisoners detained in UK prisons over the Christmas/New Year break, is 3, and that's only because two of them are frightened to go outside and they lost the key to the other one.
All the rest are on "leave" (Go on explain that one then . . )

Your figure for Members of the House of Commons is suspect too. It implies that there are 499 useful ones (one vacant seat at the moment). Even the Revenue understand that the use of the words "politicians in the House of Commons" and "useful" in the same sentence is unacceptable (technical term for that is "Oxymoron").

As for your figures for the House of Lords, I'm assuming that you expected the Revenue to accept that the other 764 were actually dead
. . . hang on you might be right there.

Lastly, it is universally accepted that the millionaire Prime Minister we have is a useless tit . . he does not sit in the House of Lords (that'll be next year . . next to Tony Blair). It may have been an oversight on your part, but you should be aware that he can usually be found sitting in the south of France (they're not too particular there).

These Tax Returns are very important documents and should be treated with the respect and diligence accorded to a much loved and trusted branch of our beloved Government.
So . . with this in mind . . do it again properly with the requisite crossings out . . ink blots, squashed insects (we hope), dogs' teeth marks, workings out for the kids homeworks and tea stains, that ought to be on there.

I'll send my bill later . . .
_________________
Nick

If you don't ask . . you don't get.