K11 Owners Group

[Tim (Midland Section)]

Breaking News....The UN have said if they catch Gaddafi they will put him where he can do no harm to anyone---up front for Aston Villa.

Just had a bloke at the door asking if I wanted to buy raffle tickets for black orphans. I told him with my luck I'd probably win one.

Kate Middleton says to the Queen, "What's the secret of a happy marriage?" Queen replies, "Wear a seatbelt and don't piss me off."

Following the tragic death of the Human Cannonball at the Royal Welsh Show, a spokesman said, "We'll struggle to get another man of the same calibre."

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?
A.The brick doesn't follow you home after you lay it.

Just been to the gym. They've got a new machine in. Only used it for half an hour as it made me feel sick. It's great though. It does everything---Kit Kats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Crisps the lot.

A wise man once said, "You should treat your woman like you treat your Hoover.When it stops sucking, change the old bag."

I went to an audition for the part of the Artful Dodger in a local production of Oliver Twist. When I found out I hadn't got the role and lost it to an Asian I went and asked the director what was wrong with my audition. "Nothing," he said," but under our new equal rights policy we've got to pick a Paki or two."

I've just watched the Simpsons and realised it's a load of "testicles". Who would put a load of funny yellow skinned people in charge of running a nuclear power station?

Now he's dead they are making a film about Eddie Stobart's life story. I've just seen the trailer.

Now Eddie Stobart is dead they've found out he was HGV positive.

I thought the wife would be the ideal candidate for a new TV show. Turns out I've got it all wrong and the programme's called Fact Hunt.

Winston bursts into the Benefits Office. "I've been ringing 0800 1730 for two days. Why don't you answer the phone? " Girl replies, "Those are our opening times Sir."

Last night I reached for my Liquid V i a g r a and accidentally swigged from a bottle of Tippex. I woke up this morning with a huge correction.

Some kinky bastard's just pinched my wife's knickers off the clothes line. She's not bothered about the knickers, she wants all the twelve pegs back.

My mate's wife told him she wanted a boob job and it would cost £5000.
He said, "Don't spend all that money when you can have it done for nothing. Lie down on the sofa on your stomach and watch telly. It worked on your backside so it should work on your boobs too."
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Regards Tim,

Grey haired riders don't get that way by pure luck
1996 Guzzi Cali3 LAPD
1972 750 Commando
G6HRN
#485

[drikko]

[malcolmt]

Wot a lot of gems, I didnt dare tell the wife the one bout the hoover or the knicker nikker.
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A Bike on the road is worth two
in the shed
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[Tim (Midland Section)]

[malcolmt]

The raffle ticket one had a particular appeal to my neck of the woods
You mention the Simpsons... in a previous lifetime I worked for BNFL at SPRINGFIELDS works nr Preston... and where did Homer live !!!
Makes you what side of the Atlantic the idea for the series originated, the plant was full of Homers.
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******************************
A Bike on the road is worth two
in the shed
******************************