K11 Owners Group

[Tim (Midland Section)]

These were posted on an Australian tourism website, and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humor (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!)
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Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( Houston, Texas).
A: We import all plants fully grown, and then just sit around watching them die.
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Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( Miami, Florida)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
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Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Fort Worth, Texas)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles. Take lots of water.
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Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns , Townsville and Hervey Bay ?
( Liverpool, UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
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Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? (Little Rock, Arkansas)
A: Af-ri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
Aust-ra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not ...
Oh, forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
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Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? (Philadelphia, Pennsylvania)
A: Face south, and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
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Q: Can I bring silverware into Australia ? (New Orleans, Missouri)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
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Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (Altlanta, Georgia)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ...
Oh, forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
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Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? (London, UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
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Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Berlin, Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
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Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. (Washington DC)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-mer-ica, which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled, and make good pets.
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Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (Montgomery, Alabama)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
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Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? (Auckland, New Zealand)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
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Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? (Nice, France)
A: Only at Christmas________________________________________

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go?
(San Antonio, Texas)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
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Regards Tim,

Grey haired riders don't get that way by pure luck
1996 Guzzi Cali3 LAPD
1972 750 Commando
G6HRN
#485

[drikko]

Indeed that is true, they re real questions put to the OZ tourism board, even the Australian Museum is in on the drop bear joke:-

http://australianmuseum.net.au/Drop-Bear

We quite often get tourists in who haven't done their research very well and jump in cabs at Sydney airport and ask to go to far away places. Allegedly an african team arrived for training before the Sydney Olympics in 2000 and asked to be taken to Alice Springs, just a short run of 2800kms! They sought an alternative means of transport when told of the potential cab fare. The cabbie was happy to take them apparently

Mind you I am sure that shit happens in every country. I once went to South Africa, flew into Jo'burg, was supposed to be in Cape Town for a meeting that day, but I didn't know till the cab driver told me where the address I told him actually was. Kind of embarrassing. I hadn't looked at the schedule properly. I did manage to get there only about half an hour late and a bit lighter in the wallet
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K1100RS '97
Laverda RGS 1000 '84
Jim Young Trailer Sailer 5.7M WB

DISCLAIMER:- Anything I say may have been when I was drunk so please don't take it personally.

'Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same.'
Oscar Wilde